A breath of fresh air! After almost 3 years of my life being consumed and controlled by grief, being prescribed 3 anti-depressants and another drug to control the panic attacks, I have moments of feeling like Paula again. Those moments are stretching out a little longer each day. I’m still grieving and realize I always will. I still have ‘downer days’ but am able to crawl out with a lot of effort.
I’ve also, realize that I’ve been grieving Paula. I missed me being me, being happy, being able to handle whatever life dished out with an attitude of “No sense in worrying about what you can’t change, deal with it and move on”. I couldn’t deal with this one. I blame this faceless, nameless man of not only taking my sons’ life but of taking the lives of me and my daughter. I miss my son, my daughter and myself. What we were is gone. What we will be is yet to come. But, we will be.
I don’t know what happened to make life bearable again. But, I started noticing a difference after completing this painting. The sky is a bit brighter as the sun rises, symbolic of a new day, with the heavyweight of darkness being pushed aside. A beautiful blue butterfly releases the restraints of grief and anger, allowing me the ability to breathe again and to look forward to what the day may bring.
Art was my therapy. Some paintings take on a life of their own and this is one of those. It’s as though this was my last session with the therapist and I graduated. The lock is opened and the suffocating armor is falling away. After all, one can’t wear it forever. It gets rusty. Without realizing it, each sit down at the easel was another therapy session lasting almost 3 years
Art saved me. Art kept me moving forward. It became my purpose. I wish everyone had art. If anything comes of this I would hope that someday, someone will be able to relate to these paintings and sculptures in a much-needed way and be nudged toward healing their broken heart.
Live each day as though it’s all we have and remember to tell your children you love them no matter their age. They will never outgrow hearing it and we should never tire of saying it.
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